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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24193450">Ain't No Grave</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/oceans_gay/pseuds/oceans_gay'>oceans_gay</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dead To Me (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Feelings, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Love, Love Confessions, Romance?, Season/Series 01, Season/Series 02, judy hale deserves the whole fucking world</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 01:01:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,108</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24193450</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/oceans_gay/pseuds/oceans_gay</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"you can disappear off of the face of the fucking planet"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jen's heart races as she gets the phone call from the hospital.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Judy Hale/Jen Harding</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>144</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Ain't No Grave</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>anyways jen and judy deserve the whole fucking world and im gay af so here you go. i only know medical shit from grey's anatomy so like don't come after me for it. okay enjoy.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Just fucking leave, Steve," Jen whispered to Steve, tears streaming down her face. He turned around, shaking his head. </p>
<p>Jen tried not to let Steve's words get to her. That she killed her own husband. That Ted wanted to die because of her. But how could she not not let the words affect her. As much as Steve was wrong, he was also right. </p>
<p>Just as Steve's car starts, Jen's phone rings in her back pocket. She answers without looking at the caller I.D..</p>
<p>"Jennifer Harding?" Someone asks. Jen squints her face in confusion. </p>
<p>"Speaking," she says. </p>
<p>"This is the Laguna Beach Emergency Room. Are you a friend of Judy Hales?" Jen gulps at the mention of "emergency" and Judy. </p>
<p>"I am. Is everything okay?" She asks. Before her brain processes it, she's shuffling her feet to get into her car. </p>
<p>"She was involved in a pretty bad car accident. She'll most likely need a surgery or two." Jen starts crying. For what reason, she probably couldn't tell you. </p>
<p>"Holy shit. Um, I'll be right there," Jen says, slamming her car door shut and opening the garage door. "Is she going to be okay?" Jen asks. </p>
<p>"Well, considering that she was hit by a car going 40 miles per hour, she's in pretty good shape. But like I said, she may need a few surgeries." Jen tries her hardest to contain a sob. </p>
<p>"Can you tell Judy something for me?" Jen asks. Her right hand shakes with her phone in it. </p>
<p>"Yes, ma'am," the woman responds. </p>
<p>"Can you tell her that I love her." It was Jen's immediate response. She didn't know what else to say, but it was so true. </p>
<p>"Of course." Jen hangs up on the woman. She starts shaking, worrying about everything. About Judy, about the boys, about the fact that she probably shouldn't be driving, but mostly Judy. </p>
<p>"You can die." Jen knew that Judy would take those words to heart. But Jen also knew that she didn't mean it. She knew it was what Ted wanted, whether his feelings were caused by her or not. He didn't love her anymore. And she knew that if Judy could have, she would have went back if it wasn't for fucking Steve. Judy would have called someone, and it would have been all okay. </p>
<p>It wasn't Judy's fault. </p>
<p>"You can disappear off of the face of the fucking planet." Jen regretted the words right after she said them, especially once she saw the look of the pure sadness on Judy's face.</p>
<p>And knowing it was exactly what Judy did, was just heart wrenching. Knowing that this was all caused by Jen made her sob harder. Knowing that not only did her own husband wanted to die because of her, but her own Judy did, too.</p>
<p>Before she knows it she's at the hospital, finding the closest parking spot. She's pretty sure it was Handicap parking, but who the fuck cares? Judy could be dead. </p>
<p>She runs into the hospital. Her breathing is so uneven she thinks she might pass out. But it does not matter. She needs to find Judy. </p>
<p>"I'm looking for Judy Hale. I'm her-" Jen doesn't want to say friend, that's not the right word. </p>
<p>"You're Jennifer?" The lady at the counter asks. Jen nods her head in response. "Come with me." </p>
<p>Jen follows this woman back into the emergency room, leading them into another room. </p>
<p>And then she sees Judy. Judy who looks so small on that hospital bed. Her dress ripped to pieces, blood all over, machines beeping, and wires going every other way. </p>
<p>Jen freezes, her breath hitched as she sees Judy laying there, almost lifeless, in a neck brace. But her next reaction is to go running up to Judy. The nurses and doctors start yelling at her, but she doesn't give a single flying fuck. </p>
<p>Judy's eyes are open, even though her face is covered in blood, and her body is in severe pain, she is awake. </p>
<p>Jen lets a breath go at the sight of Judy being conscious. Judy's eyes light up at the sight of Jen in the room. </p>
<p>"Hey," Jen says, in maybe the softest tone she's ever used. "I'm here." Jen grabs Judy's hand with her left one. She uses the other one to softly touch Judy's face, the least bloody part of it. </p>
<p>"Forgive-" Judy's sentence gets cut off by a fit of coughs, which results in blood coming out of her mouth. Jen winces at the sight of seeing Judy in this state. </p>
<p>"Ma'am you really need to leave," A guy tells Jen. She looks at him, her eyes telling him to give her just one more minute. </p>
<p>"It's okay, Judy, I forgive you. I just need you to live. Okay?" Jen whispers to Judy. "I love you so much," She whispers even softer this time. She presses a kiss to Judy's forehead before leaving the room. Judy has tears in the corners of her eyes as Jen leaves.</p>
<p>The nurse who led Jen to Judy is still outside of the room. Jen looks at the woman. The woman leads her to a waiting room, asks her if she needs anything. Jen shakes her head no. The nurse then tells her it will be at least 6 hours, maybe more, before she can see Judy again. </p>
<p>The first hour, Jen can't sit still. She paces around. She can't stop thinking about her words in which Judy took so seriously. Can't stop thinking about how all of this is her fault.</p>
<p>The second hour, she gets an update on Judy, which comes hourly from now on. The nurse said that Judy ended up having several spots of internal bleeding, along with a brain bleed, but luckily no broken bones. Lord only knows how that happened.  Judy should be out of surgery within the next 4 hours. </p>
<p>The third hour, Jen can finally sit down, knowing that Judy is in a stable condition in the operation room. She decides to call Charlie. She knows he won't answer, considering it's 4:30 in the morning, but she leaves him a voicemail saying that she's with Judy, and to not worry. </p>
<p>The fourth is probably the hardest. The nurse informed Jen that Judy is out of surgery, and that she's doing well. Jen won't be able to see Judy for at least another hour. </p>
<p>Finally, about 20 minutes into the fifth hour of waiting, a nurse tells Jen that she can see her. She gets led to the 7th floor of the hospital. She feels like she's walked hours before actually getting to Judy's room. The nurse opens a curtain for her, then leaves. </p>
<p>Jen walks slowly into the room. There's a machine beeping, another machine making a noise like it's breathing, which it kind of is, ya know for Judy. </p>
<p>But then there's Judy. She has a tube down her throat, a bandage wrapped around her head, several wrapped around her arms, and most likely a few around her tummy. She has so many cuts on her face and neck. The left side of her face is the most banged up. Her lip with a huge cut, and a bruised eye. </p>
<p>Tears come out of Jen's eyes as she sees Judy like this. So unalive. </p>
<p>The nurse told Jen it might be a few hours before Judy actually wakes up. So Jen sits down in the chair next to Judy. She moves it to as close to Judy as she can get. When she sits down, her knees hit the bed. Jen gently touches Judy's hand, and then it hits her. She loves Judy. She's in love with Judy. </p>
<p>And she doesn't understand how she's just discovering this. She should have known. Should have known when she invited Judy to live with her and the boys, and should have known when she said she would help mother Judy's child. She should have known when she got jealous of the time she was spending with Nick and Steve. She should have known when every time Judy would smile at her, or hug her, or hold her hand, she would get this feeling. The feeling of absolute happiness and the feeling of being safe. </p>
<p>Jennifer Harding has been helplessly in love with Judy Hale this whole time.</p>
<p>What the actual fuck?</p>
<p>Jen's thoughts are interrupted by the ringing of her phone. It's Charlie. </p>
<p>"Mom, what the fuck happened?" Charlie swears into the phone as soon as she picks up. </p>
<p>"Charlie it's okay. And don't fucking cuss at me." She says softly, looking down at Judy's face. "Judy just got into an accident."</p>
<p>"Well how bad?" Charlie asks. Jen takes a minute to answer, giving Judy's body a good look. </p>
<p>"It was pretty bad, Char," Jen says into the phone. More tears fall down her face. "But she'll be okay. I just, I need you to call Lorna and tell her to pick you up for school. And do not tell Henry what happened." Jen says sternly. </p>
<p>"Okay," Charlie replies. "Mom, will you text me? To tell me how Judy is doing?" Charlie asks. Jen softens up now. Charlie always kept his caring side to himself, and he wasn't one to express to Judy or his mother how much he loved them, but it was there. </p>
<p>"Of course I will," Jen promises. "Have a good day at school." Jen hangs up the phone, putting it back in her pocket.  </p>
<p>She grabs Judy's hand again. She brings their hands up to her chest, hugging them. </p>
<p>"You better fucking be okay." </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Four fucking hours. That's how long it takes for Judy to wake up. </p>
<p>For Jen it's scary. She had fallen asleep on Judy's hand, still holding it, when Judy started gagging from the tube down her throat. Jen could only run out of the room to get some help for Judy. </p>
<p>Once the tube is out and Judy is able to properly breathe, and she is sitting upright, the nurse left.</p>
<p>Jen didn't know what to say, so she just sits on the bed and holds Judy's hand.</p>
<p>"I'm not sure you're brain is okay, but I'm going to say this anyways-"</p>
<p>"My brain is fine, Jen," Judy whispers, her voice raspy. </p>
<p>"I want you to know that um, I forgive you. For everything. For Ted, and the lying, and everything else in between. It's not your fault." Jen tells Judy. She struggles to find words for the next part. "I got the call from the hospital, and the first thing that came to my mind was the thought of losing you. And that no matter how much I think I can live without you, I can't. It would be impossible, Judy." Jen takes a deep breath in. Tears flowing down her face one after the other. "Because I love you, so much. And I know it's kind of fucked up. But I just love you. I'm in love with you, Judy."</p>
<p>Judy has this big grin on her face, tears also streaming down.  </p>
<p>"You make me so happy. And as much as it saddens me to say this, you make me happier than Ted ever did. And you make the boys so happy. For fucks sake you're Henry's best friend." Judy giggles. "I know Charlie is bad at telling you, but you make him happy. It's nice for both of them to have another parent in their lives, even if they don't think that way. You're a better parent than Ted ever was. And I am so thankful for that.” Jen takes another deep breath. “I’m sorry that this is my fault, and for what I said to you. I didn’t mean any of it.” Jen looks up at Judy. They’re both a crying mess, but Jen doesn’t really give a fuck. </p>
<p>“I’m not sure if you’re in love with me. The chances are very small. But I just want you to know that I am. I am so in love with you.” Jen gives Judy the biggest smile she can. Judy also smiles back, wincing in pain from the tenderness of her face. </p>
<p>“I do love you.” Judy whispers. She gulps from the pain of talking. “I am in love with you.” Jen laughs at the irony of the situation, and the fact that Judy loves her back. </p>
<p>“This is so fucked up,” Jen continues to laugh. Judy smiles, but can’t laugh. After Jen is done laughing, she just stares into Judy’s eyes, the ones she fell in love with. The soft brown eyes that hold so much love and kindness. </p>
<p>“Thank you for not dying.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>shit so there's that. it's not rlly what i wanted it to be but like, oh well?? um anyways comment some criticism so i can cry some more.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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